The Great Mari War
by ShinyCDiver
Summary: As the title suggests, this is a war fanfic. Not really though. It's mainly Dia and Kanan fighting over who gets the right to be Mari's girlfriend. Except they don't seem to be doing anything other than staging weird tension with each other. And Aqours split up in support of one of the two. Oh, and Mari was left out of the loop. That's basically the plot. On hiatus.


**I used to be a sailor on the Dia x Mari ship. That was when I came up with this idea. That was before the bomb-called 'Episode 9' for security reasons-was dropped. In order to save my life, I abandoned my ship, reluctant as I was, and was rescued by another ship. I joined their forces, becoming one of the many refugees that sought safety in the Kanan x Mari ship.**

 **All my rambling aside, I still went ahead with this story. Muse makes cameos (that aren't really cameos since they blatantly say their names and stuff), mainly for no reason related to the plot.**

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Two armies met at the school idol club at Uranohoshi High School to declare war upon each other. On one side of the not-very-overly-used-wooden-table stood the Army of NozoEri Fanatics, led by Kanan, and the other side was occupied by the Army of Idol Hell Fangirls, led by Dia. The goal and purpose of their "war" on each other was simple: whosoever catches the heart of Mari first was the victor, and the loser faced a lifetime of nursing broken hearts and shameful humiliation. This is...THE GREAT MARI WAR!

"So, it's come down to this, huh?" Chika said, staring evenly at Riko from across the table.

"It has. I thought we were getting along, but it's clear that we don't think the same way." Riko responded calmly, adopting the same pose as Chika.

"Okay, both of you stop creating false tension." Both girls turned to look at the last second year, who finally made her statement after listening to the two of them stand off. You sighed, sometimes wondering how come she had to be the voice of reason.

"How can I not find issue with this? Riko-chan is against me right now!" Chika complained, pointing an accusing finger at the red-haired teen.

"You-chan and Chika-chan are both against me. Why should I listen to either of you?!" Riko shouted in response. Though kept apart by the table, Riko and Chika puffed up their cheeks as they pushed their foreheads together. You looked between the two of them and sighed again.

It all started a few days ago, with Dia's declaration of war upon Kanan (while Mari was safely out of the way doing something else). "The way you keep misunderstanding Mari and trying to push your ideals onto her makes me sick. I'll be the one to make Mari happy from now on!" This declaration had stayed in the air in the now silent clubroom, with the younger six members looking back-and-forth between Dia and Kanan.

"You say that like you understand her. But the one that you kept supporting wasn't her, so what makes you think she'd want you instead of me?!" Now the two third years were glaring at each other. The break between the close friends caused a rip in the unity of their idol group as a whole. Chika and You backed up Kanan immediately, as the third year was their childhood friend. Ruby still clung to her sister's side, and Hanamaru was willing to follow whichever side Ruby supported. Yoshiko (Yohane) declared that she would be lending her support to Kanan because of a curse of some sort-but everyone else thought that she wanted to get away from Hanamaru. To Chika's utter surprise, Riko decided to support Dia, though when asked, the red-headed second year refused to give an explanation for her support.

And that led to the current situation.

"Kanan's my childhood friend! I can't just abandon her!" Chika retorted. The orange-haired girl then looked to You for support. "Right?!"

"U-Uh...yeah…" Internally, she apologized to Riko.

"Whatever." Riko huffed, crossing her arms as she pouted. "I have stuff to do so I'm going home first." The second year grabbed her bag and stormed out of the clubroom. Chika trotted after her, blowing raspberries at her retreating back.

"They're getting fired up…" Ruby mumbled. The first years had all been crouched outside the inner door to the room, unable to enter.

"I've never heard Chika-chan yell at Riko-chan zura…" Hanamaru added, exchanging wide-eyed looks with Ruby. "What should we do?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Yohane put her hand up to cover one of her eyes. "It's clear that they're at war with each other, and so should we be."

"Okay zura. Then me and Ruby-chan will be going now~" Ruby gaped as Hanamaru started pushing her down the hallway.

"I didn't mean it that way!" Yoshiko cried out, stepping quickly after them. "Don't leave me behind!"

"By the way...how is Dia-san handling this? Anything new happen? " Hanamaru pointedly turned to Ruby when asking the question, even as she was ignoring the other first year.

"Um...yes...you see, yesterday…"

Ruby, pleased that her sister was no longer enforcing the ban on school idol-related merchandise, had been looking through her old cosplay outfits when Dia walked in with what appeared to be a letter. Her older sister left the envelope on the low table, leaving the room with a strange expression on her face. Normally, Ruby wouldn't have peeked, but with the on-going tension between her sister and Kanan, she couldn't stop herself.

"So you didn't run away." Kanan declared, pointing her chosen weapon at Dia's chest. The other third year stared at her evenly, not even bothering to look down.

"We've never run away." Dia responded, extending her hand to the side. Ruby gulped, handing her sister the gun she was going to use. The red-haired first year was as equally equipped as her sister was, though not as keen on the battle. "Standard rules?"

"Obviously." At this, both third year students turned their backs on each other, taking ten steps across the white sand of the beach. Their teammates followed at a slower pace, all were armed in some way or form. Then they faced each other once more, the wind blowing their hair back as if trying to create more dramatic tension. Kanan and Dia both lifted up their guns, pointing them at each other, and fired.

Five minutes later, the pristine sand beach they they had been standing on was utterly ruined as the girls chased each other through the waves. "Damn it! Hold still, Riko-chan!" Chika lobbed another water balloon bomb at her next door neighbor, grumbling to herself as the bright pink plastic orb missed her target completely.

"Who's going to hold still?! This is war, Chika-chan!" Riko launched her own array of 'bombs', throwing three into the air behind her in hopes that one would soak Chika.

"You-chan, get her!" Chika had to pull back, not wanting to give Riko the satisfaction of hitting her with a water balloon. Sighing, You sprinted through the waves, easily catching up with her less athletic classmate.

"Sorry 'bout this!" She aimed her water gun at Riko, knowing that the other second year would be unable to dodge at point blank range.

"Aim and fire zura!" Hanamaru cried out, smiling widely as she sprayed 'ammunition' at anyone that neared her and Ruby. Her current target was Yohane, and the other first year got drenched in Hanamaru's fire.

"You dare try and harm a fallen angel such as myself?!" Yohane shouted in challenge, throwing her inner tube at Hanamaru. The brown-haired girl flinched instinctively, and Yohane smirked, ready with her water balloons.

"Back me up, Ruby-chan!" Hanamaru ducked as Ruby stood up behind her, shakily holding a water pistol in both hands.

"Eyyyy!" She squeezed her eyes shut as she pulled the triggers, launching twin streams of water at Yohane. Forced to cover her own eyes so that water didn't get in them, Yohane didn't see Hanamaru pick up the inner tube. Lowering it over her own head, she held it as if it were a bumper and ran at her friend. The two first years fell into the surf, coughing and choking from the suddenness of being in the water.

In the middle of all this chaos, Kanan and Dia were still holding a stand-off against each other. Neither had used the weapons they carried, but the tension between them was almost thick enough to be tangible. Now the remnants of their team rejoined them: Ruby standing at her sister's side once more while Chika and You took up symmetrical stances on both sides of Kanan. Riko lay faceup in the sand, staring blankly at the sky in a manner of 'death'. Likewise, both Hanamaru and Yoshiko lay where they had fallen, half of their bodies submerged in the tide.

But their fight hadn't gone unnoticed by other visitors to the beach, as was made apparent when two young women approached them. "Hey, are you playing with water guns? Can we join in too?" The ginger-haired woman who asked didn't seem to recognize the intensity of their battle, merely looking excited at the prospect of having fun.

"Oi, we still have work to do." The other young woman rebuked her instantly. Her violet gaze revealed a slight impatience at having their 'work' derailed.

"What say you, Dia? It looks like you could use some handicaps." Kanan said, purposely insulting the other girl.

"Hmph. I don't need your handouts. But if you insist." Dia responded, her polite answer masking the irritation she was holding inside.

"Awesome! I'll just borrow these~" The ginger woman helped herself to Hanamaru's water gun and Yoshiko's inner tube. "Come on _! Go borrow her weapon!" With a sigh, the red-haired woman went to Riko's side, taking the water balloons that had fallen with her.

"What's the strategy?" The red-haired woman asked, getting into the spirit of the game now that she had been forced into it.

"All-out assault. No survivors." Dia failed to notice the deadpan expression that the woman shot at her after her command.

"I like it! Let's go!" With that, the ginger charged forward, spraying You with water.

"No, You-chan!" Chika screamed, turning her attention aside to momentarily mourn the 'death' of her friend.

"_! Cover me!" The red-haired woman chucked a water balloon at Chika as the second year attempted to get revenge on the ginger.

"Ruby, we must fight as well. I don't want to get shown up by our handicaps." Dia charged at Kanan, spraying water as she ran across the sand. Kanan gave a battle cry as she ran to meet Dia's challenge. Ruby panicked, looking around for something she could do to assist her sister. But as it turned out, her assistance was not needed, nor were the two women. As Kanan and Dia charged each other, both third years misjudged the speed they were going to stop in time. The result was a double knock-out, a tie.

"Good battle." Kanan said, holding out her hand. Dia looked at her, then reluctantly took it. "Next time I won't go so easy."

"I don't expect you to." Dia said, and the two girls shook hands. When they let go, Dia reflexively held two autograph boards to her chest tightly.

"What are those, Riko-chan?" Chika asked. It seemed that all of the members of Dia's team were now holding two autograph boards, though where they had procured them from and for what reason confused the members of Kanan's team.

"You can look, but no taking." Riko showed the signatures on the two boards to Chika. The girl's eyes widened, a scream of horror and regret threatening to claw its way out of her throat.

"I want them! I'll do anything!"

"I said I wasn't giving them to you!" From the edge of the beach, the two young women watched as Chika clung to Riko's waste, begging her to hand over the autograph boards.

"Reminds me of when we were that young. So carefree, right?"

"That was literally five years ago, Honoka. More importantly, we still have to do research on this beach for your paper due next month!"

"It's fine~ We still have a month, Maki-chan~"

"That's what you said last time you had a paper and you put it off until the week before! No, the day before!"

"Now, now~ It's fine to relax and have fun sometimes. Besides, we get to see such energetic and promising school idols."

"Next thing you're going to say is we should bring everyone out here."

"Maki-chan is a psychic~"

"...please don't actually do that."

* * *

 **Yes, I did name Kanan's team that way for a reason. Same with Dia's team.**

 **Dia did recognize her two added team members, which is why everyone on her team has sign boards.**

 **HonoMaki lives!**

 **This story may manage to drag on a few more chapters so bear with me.**


End file.
